Ideal Child Spacing

I know that there are conflicting theories on how tightly to space your children. My husband an I won't even be considering conceiving baby no. 2 until economic and housing factors work themselves out, but it is something I like to think about it.

Tight Spacing

Those who favor back to back children with spacing under 2 years argue that siblings who are close in age tend to form twin-like bonds which last a lifetime. They always have a friend and playmate. There is probably less jealousy felt amid siblings close in age. A 14 month old wouldn't feel the same jealousy as a 3 year old would upon the arrival of a new baby. The longer a child has his parents' undivided attention, one could argue, the more difficult it will be for him/her to accept a sibling without resentment. At the same time, an older child can understand mom and dad's explanation that they are not replacing him and that they don't love him/her any less, whether or not he/she believes the explanation. A toddler would have a harder time understanding this.

Large Spacing

Leaving large gaps between children has advantages as well. Mom and dad get a lot of time to enjoy each child as an individual, and each child develops a tight relationship with his/her parents as a result of all this attention. Second children are also less likely to feel overshadowed by older siblings if there is a larger gap. There is less competition when siblings are spaced further apart. Unfortunately, gaps of over 3 years tend to mean less interaction between siblings. By the time the second baby is born, baby number one has acquired his/her own set of friends and will probably not be as anxious to bond with the new sibling, plus they play with entirely different toys, and would have very little in common. There is also a tendancy of parents to abuse the situation later by depending upon older siblings too much for babysitting and taking care of the younger ones. The oldest children need time to be kids as well.

Personally...

My husband and I, as previously mentioned, are not in a position to tightly space our kids even if we wanted to. We are amid a job change and relocating to a different state right now. Thankfully, I would not want my kids to be less than 2 years apart. I think the children would absolutely share a remarkable bond. There would also be a lot more bickering and scrapping for attention with such a small gap. My main reason for not spacing my kids tight is that I'm not willing to give up my first child's babyhood. I want to treasure every precious moment of his first years. If all goes well for us in our new location, we plan to try for a second child to be about 2-2.5 years younger than our son. I figure that gives us pleanty of time to enjoy our son, but also allows for the two to share things in common and enjoy playing with eachother.