The Re-birth of the Stay at Home Mother

In the 1960's when women were so bravely fighting for equality in the workplace, I'm sure none would have imagined the next generation's response. Women's participation in the workforce has climbed steadily from 40.8% in 1970 to its peak of 57.5% in 2000 according to US Bureau of Labor stats. What happened after the year 2000, however, has been a steady rise in mothers choosing to abandon the workforce to raise children. The percentage of stay at home moms has risen by 15% in less than 10 years. That's quite a statement

So what does it mean? Modern moms are realizing that the power driven business world can't replace or erase their natural instincts to love and nurture their offspring. Some women overcome this hinderance to have fulfilling work and family lives. I'm not knocking it, as my own mom was a terrific working mom. Should women have the option to work and make fortunes? Of course they should, but it shouldn't be a requirement. More and more women are realizing that they are not backwards for desiring hearth and home above the workplace.

So, are we all June Cleavers? Some would spread this notion. This CBS 60 Minutes report discusses how stay at home moms are failing to use their capacities and that this is detrimental to society. These moms are not uneducated, but intellegent, well-educated, successful women who apparently are screwing up the world by choosing to raise children. Really, CBS, really?

Are we really disrespecting the previous generation? Or are we learning and growing- expanding upon what they've done even if taking it in a different direction? There will always be women in positions of power. The broader culture, however, is realizing that we don't all have to be suit-wearing, ball-busting, empowered women to find purpose and fulfilment in life. Maybe it's closer than our foremothers could have imagined- in our childrens' smiles.

Keeping a Healthy Weight During and After Pregnancy

There is no set amount of weight that women need to gain to grow a healthy baby. I started my pregnancy at a healthy, normal bmi. My obstetrician told me that between 20 and 30 pounds is what I needed to gain. Meanwhile, at 36 weeks gestation, at a weight gain of 18 pounds, my maternal fetal specialist sent a note to my ob that I was not gaining enough weight. She told me to ignore that comment, as my baby was measuring completely normal, and I'm the one who has to tote around all the unnecessary(non baby related) lbs.My total weight gain up to 38 weeks when I delivered was 24 pounds, and this yeilded a 6 lb 3 oz baby. That's on the small end, but if he had finished baking and stayed put until the full 40 weeks, I would have had a perfectly average 7 pounder.

I think appropriate weight gain has a lot to do with the kind of body condition you have when you become pregnant. If you're underweight, you should attempt to acheive a healthy weight before conceiving. I needed a healthy weight because I lost 10 pounds the first trimester. If you're already thin, you don't have a buffer in case you do get sick and lose weight. You also want to make sure that you gain healthy weight.

Overweight women need to get into shape before pregnancy. Pregnancy is hard enough on your feet and back without extra weight. Maintaining a healthy weight also makes conception easier.

Even if you eat healthy and exercise, keep a healthy body throughout pregnancy, losing the weight afterwards can still be an uphill battle.

• Breastfeed. Breastfeeding is healthy for your baby, and it also burns calories. Don't use it as an excuse for a free-for-all diet though. Eating healthy combined with breastfeeding can speed your weight loss.


• Make time to eat right. When I was a brand new mom, it was fast food and frozen dinners for the first month or so. I had no time to cook, and the hubby was working hard and hungry when he came home. So, we did what was easy. I think this was where I got off to such a slow start in my weight loss journey. All the breastfeeding in the world won't make up for Big Macs, Taco Bell, and frozen lasagnas night after night. Make healthy casseroles on the weekend when you have help that will last you a few days. Pasta also keeps for awhile, so make a lot of spaghetti or pasta salad. You can also freeze individual portions of meals you make on the weekend to microwave and eat throughout the week.


• Walk, walk, walk. New moms typically don't have time or energy to hit the gym 3 times a week. So put your baby in a carrier or stroller and get walking. It's a great way to exercise and get out of the house and do something. If walking doesn't yeild quick enough results and you are fit enough, try jogging. You'll need a jogging stroller for that, as typical strollers don't have enough shock absorbtion.


• Set goals, but be realistic. My son was born in October. I thought I would be back in my skinny jeans by Christmas. Was I ever disappointed. I'm happy to say that I am now, 9 months later, in my skinny jeans, and only 6 pounds away from my goal. Also, be flexible. Eat healthy and the scale and your jeans will reward you...eventually. Don't give up, but don't starve yourself either in a rush to get thin. Lose the weight gradually and be healthy. This will also help you keep the weight off.

1st Birthday Ideas

Why Bother for a 1 yr Old?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about birthday parties, as my little man is just a couple months away from his first one. A lot of people seem to think that parties at this age are just for the parents since the babies won't remember. I think there are a lot of great reasons to have a big party for a first birthday.

It's a huge milestone, and though your baby won't know what's going on or remember, a 1st birthday party provides a lot of opportunities for photo and video memories. Time goes by so fast, you should take every opportunity to celebrate milestones and record memories.

Birthday parties are also a great way to form a circle of friends for you child who are about his/her age. My son doesn't have a lot of baby friends, so I'm going to take the opportunity for his 1st birthday to invite some of my acquaintances who have children around his age. Hopefully invites to their parties, and playdates will arise from this, and I can respark some old friendships in the process.

Themes
Do you even need a theme for a birthday party? Absolutely not. Any get together with hats, cake, and presents is a fun enough occasion. Many parents, myself included, have more fun planning a theme party. They certainly don't need to be complex at this age, however.

A zoo theme is a lot of fun and you can get creative planning it. Make zookeeper passes for the invitations. Get ahold of some animals for the kids to pet. Obviously you don't need an elephant. If you know people with goats, ponies, snakes, rabbits, etc... these are great animals to have. They are different from regular dogs and cats, but common enough that you should be able to track some down. There are places which rent these types of animals for parties as well, if you're willing to pay. Gift bags can be decorated with different animals- zebras, lions, tigers, etc... Go wild with it and have fun!

TV shows are another option for themes. Dora the Explorer and Sesame Street are just a couple of ideas. Even though your baby probably doesn't "watch" these shows, they make fun themes. I know my son always perks up when he hears the Plaza Sesamo (Spanish Sesame Street) song start to play. We watch a few kids' shows (English and Spanish to expose him to foreign languages early) on weekends, and that's his favorite song. Your baby might have one too that you've noticed- go with it.

You can also go with simpler themes, such as primary colors. Party supplies will be much cheaper than if you go with something like Dora, but the atmosphere will still be fun and festive. Or you can choose one animal for a theme- maybe from your baby's favorite toy or stuffed animal- moneys, teddy bears, cows, puppies, or whatever.

Enjoy
My number one tip is to enjoy the party. Don't get so hung up on coordinating details that you miss out on precious moments of your baby's special day. The cake will get messy, streamers will fall and balloons will pop. Let it go, and focus on your son/daughter on that day. You don't want to miss a thing.

Dogs with Small Children

When checking out some Web sites with top family dog lists, I came across this one. These are the top ten on the list:

1. Newfoundland





2. Pug


3. American staffordshire terrier (mislabled on the Site as a Staffordshire bull terrier)
   
4. Labrador retriever


5. Keeshond


6. Golden retriever


7. Collie
   
8. Standard poodle


9. Bernese mountain dog


10. English bulldog (they don't specify English or American, but the picture shown is an English)

I have some big issues with this list. Let's start with the pug. Pugs absolutely do NOT belong in homes with small children. While they are not agressive, their prominent eyes are very vulnerable to injury from the prodding of toddlers' fingers. I am glad to see that the staffordshire popped up on most of the family breed lists I came across. They are not the same breed as pit bull terriers (which are not all bad anyways), and definately deserve consideration. I have no experience personally with keeshonds, but have heard good things. Collies are not all Lassie. Their coat requires a great deal of maintenance which busy families may not be able to provide. These dogs also have a tendancy to be yappy, which can be frustrating with babies/children napping during the day. Bernese mountain dogs have fantastic dispositions, but with a thick double coat, they are unsuitable for warm climates, and shed profusely. As strong willed working dogs, they require a good deal more training than most families have the time to do.

My own top 5 would look something like this:

1. Standard Poodle- I was shocked to see the poodle fall so low on many top 10 lists. They are hypoallergenic- a BIG plus in a lot of families, but do require regular professional grooming as the coat does not stop growing. A lamb or puppy cut is a great way to keep your poodle's coat if they are not to be shown. They have great dispositions with lots of patience, but are also playful and lively to entertain older children. They were originally a sporting dog, but since this heritage is so far removed, they lack the persistant need for stimulation that many family dogs (such as labs) retain. A poodle will be happy curled up on the couch watching soap operas, or chasing the kids around outside. A wonderfully versatile breed, the standard poodle is my top pic.



2. Golden/Labrador Retriever- This one is a toss-up between the two. My personal preference as the proud mama to a yellow lab is obviously the labrador. The golden, however, seems to be a bit quieter than the lab, as well as less needy. If you own a labrador, it will be in your lap a large portion of the time or dropping a tennis balls at your feet constantly. A golden will doubtless want to play, but may be less persistant, and happily lie down if you ignore him. Both dogs shed quite a bit, but the hair of the golden is much more visable on your floors, and a golden will need more regular grooming as well as occasional trimming.




3. English Bulldog- Quick! Somebody on drool patrol! English bulldogs are a jolly and good natured breed, and although it won't bother the kids, the drooling can bother some adults. These dogs don't have the activity level to suit many active families, but for those who don't want a labrador retreiver roaring through the house knocking over everything in sight, an English bulldog is a great, couch potato dog.



4. Pembroke Welsh Corgi- The corgi is a great fit for families who want a smaller dog. Many small dogs are fragile and can be nippy with rough children. The corgi, however, is a great fit for families with children of all ages and is hardy enough to put up with rough playtime (though children should always be supervised with any dog).



5. Mixed breed- This one might really belong at the top of the list. Mixes are often very good family dogs. Usually mutts inherit the best personality traits of both parents. I had 2 mixed breed dogs growing up, and own a mixed breed now who is fantastic with my 9 month old, and has been since day 1. They tend to have very high pain tolerences and lot of patience. If you adopt a dog from a shelter, be sure to perform some basic behavioral tests to ensure that the dog is suitable. Many dogs who have suffered abuse or neglect have issues that make them dangerous around small children.

Remember that all dogs have their limits. No young child should ever be left unsupervised with a dog of any size. Socialization and basic training, even with little dogs, is crucial to ensuring that your dog is able to be the best family member which he/she can be.

Boredom with a Baby

If you're like a lot of new stay-at-home moms, you probably spend a good portion of the day trying to keep your baby entertained with the same old toys in the same rooms as you did every other day. You're not the only one who becomes bored with the routine. Babies get bored too. That toy that was brand new 3 days ago has lost its thrill, and you're at a loss as to how to keep your child interested in his/her toys and away from the things he shouldn't be playing with- dog toys, magazines, etc...

Outings

But where can you take a baby? They can't do anything. A trip to the park or playground might seem pointless as your little one is too small for the slide and monkey bars. Even if your baby can't play on any of the equipment, he or she will probably get a big kick out of watching the other children running around, screaming, and playing.

Walking is a fantastic way to not only burn calories, but also entertain your bundle of joy. Front baby carriers such as this one and wraps/slings like the Moby wrap work wonderfully for small infants. Framed backpack style carriers are great for older babies who will enjoy the bird's eye view that they have from these. Make sure to dress your baby appropriately for the weather- including a hat and sunscreen. If you're out of shape, walking is a good way to get back into shape. Just start with short distances, and you'll learn to enjoy the time you spend with baby enjoying nature together.

Making the Most of Toys

Obviously, you can't buy your baby new toys every time he/she loses interest in the current selection. What you can do, however, is keep things fresh. Make use of a toy chest or closet space to put his/her toys on a rotating basis. When boredom sets in, hide the old toys and bring out some toys from storage that he/she hasn't seen in awhile. Although, they aren't brand new, they are exciting as little one hasn't seen them in a few weeks. I keep about two or three fun electronic toys in my son's toy chest, giving him only one at a time. This toy is in addition to the smaller toys (blocks, balls, cars, and trucks) that he gets to play with every day. I change out the exciting toy once per week or so, and it keeps him more entertained than if he had access to all of them all of the time.

Amazing Obstetrician

So, check this out!

I could only dream of having an obstetrician who was this caring and open minded. My own ob was terrific and I love her. But she is like most doctors-set in her ways. I never thought to ask about pitocin at one of my appointments.

I figured if my labor stalled or I needed an induction, the topic would arise. I never thought that the virtual moment I walked into my LDR room I'd be started on a drip. The nurse typed in my info, checked my cervix, started me on iv fluids, and strapped the monitor on. Once I had a few contractions, the nurse told me they would give me a little pitocin, just to "tighten my contractions up to 2-3 min apart" as opposed to the respectable 3-5 which they had been. I tried to protest, citing that I'd rather walk if my contractions needed upping. Nononononono, I was told. I was to lie there so that they could get good readings on the baby and make sure he was responding well. Basically, "don't rock the boat." The nurse assured me that once my contractions got going they could taper me off of the pitocin. Ok...... A few hours later I found my pitocin being upped by the second shift nurse. At this point, has my doctor even seen me? No, but apparently my labor isn't hopping along fast enough. Will definately be making a point to discuss this issue early on with the next pregnancy.

I thought obs who believed in hypnosis, and labor without epidurals in general were just like unicorns- nice to imagine, but not real. It makes me think about finding another doctor. I do love my doctor. She's very nice, makes a point to ask me if I have questions, and even prods me if I don't ask much. She was very encouraging during the actual delivery, and checked up on me quite a few times after the birth. Not to mention, almost all of my female family members go to her and she attends my parents' church, so if I ever felt I had to switch...yikes!

So, what have your own childbirth experiences been like? Did your ob or midwife handle your pre-natal, labor/delivery, and postnatal care in a way that you liked? What would you have changed?

Natural Sex Selection

I recently purchased the book How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby which outlines the Shettles method to gender selection. The basic premise is that male sperm (XY) are smaller and quicker to reach the egg than female sperm (XX). XX sperm are larger, and therefore, hardier and longer lived than their male counterparts.

The Race is On
According to this theory, if a couple has sex on ovulation day, or very close to it, the chances are very high that one of the quick little male sperm will reach the egg first, and a boy will be conceived. If a couple has sex a few days in advance of ovulation, the male sperm will exhaust themselves and die off after a day or two of hard swimming. This will leave a higher concentration of stronger XX sperm waiting when the egg is released. The chances of conceiving a girl will be much higher in this scenerio.

Acidity Factor
Another big factor in determining which sperm have the advantage is the acidity level of the environment (vagina). Shettles argues that male sperm (being smaller and weaker) have less tolerance for a highly acidic environment than the larger female sperm. They prefer an alkaline space. How is this achieved? Female orgasm. If the woman orgasms during sex before the man does, her vagina will be more welcoming to male sperm. If the woman does not orgasm, the environment will be far more acidic. This will favor the female sperm, making conception of a girl more likely.

Personal Experience
The Shettles method makes a lot of sense to me. We used an ovulation prediction kit when conceiving our son. This pinpoints the hormone surge which precedes ovulation by a day or two. We waited to attempt to conceive that cycle until the hormone surge was detected. This means that the sperm were depositited fairly close to when I was going to ovulate. Viola! We conceived a boy!
I'm not sure if we're going to use the Shettles method or not for our next attempt at conception (whenever that may be). We would love to have multiple boys, but a girl next in line would be comforting. That way, knowing we had one of each, we wouldn't care if the 3rd was a boy or girl. As much as I love my son, I really would rather not have 3 boys. We'll get what we're meant to have, so I don't know if we can really control anything anyway. If the Lord wants me to have all boys, I'll have all boys, and if I'm to have 2 girls and a boy, or 2 boys and a girl, than that's what will happen. The book has been interesting, though, and I've enjoyed reading it.